An ending is just a new beginning

2011-05-27T11:14:00.002+08:00

Somehow i see your words as excuses and lies.. They are not the truth.
I dun trust ppl's words easily. The past has made me this way.. My mistakes made me this way. It is just too bad that you have to face the new me now.. You will just have to live with it. Can try to change me but i'm sorry.. i doubt so that it will be that easy.

U'RE JUST AN IDIOT!

2011-04-19T11:33:00.002+08:00

Am in class rite now and me feeling so bored! This is getting too draggy to be in class. Listening to lectures.. But this is just the beginning..

Anyways, u tink i dumb issit?! U tink i dun noe what u are doin issit? hahak! and i can sense ur inferiority to me. U are trying sooo hard to meet up to my standard.. Trying to make ur presence known! hahahaha! too bad dude! too late! I know this sounds lame! but yeah!! I HAVE MORE FRENS THAN U! I HAVE BETTER GRADES THAN U! muahahahaha! u can never catch up to my standards coz i'm always a mile ahead of u.. TOO BAD DUDE!

IDIOT!

yeah as u can see today is my angsty day! but i dun care! i be the way i want to be!

2011-03-09T15:19:00.002+08:00

Its been quite sometime since i update this old diary of mine. I wonder does anyone still reads this or am i talking to myself? hahaha.. actuali it doesnt really matter.

Am i going to stand in the corner? Am i not gonna move anymore? I wonder.

I think i'm going back in circles. Let it go. Its never met to be mine in the first place.

Was a distraction. Served it purpose. And now selfishly I no longer want it as there is no meaning anymore. Am i that cruel? Am i that selfish? Well i can be, i guess.

The script is coming to singapore! I wanna go! I so badly wanna go! It will cost me $101.. Hmmm.. Should i or shldnt i? Anyone wanna teman me?? PLEASH!!

2011-02-17T16:24:00.002+08:00

Looking around.. What have i got myself into?

My battle cry

2011-02-08T14:18:00.004+08:00

True enough every ending is a beginning.
But why do i feel like i'm just going round and round in circles. Going back and forth.

Never i want to get myself entangled in the complications of lies, betrayal and love. I want to free myself from all these troubles. But why do i keep finding myself standing in the middle of all these over and over again.

Wait is a painful thing to do especially when you don't know the outcome of the wait. So truly i am sorry for all those whom i have made them wait.

Karma is a bitch. Thanks.

2011-01-24T14:12:00.003+08:00

Its taking a toll on you
N you are ready to let me leave...

I didnt want to believe its true that it all worked out in the end..
Coz without me, you are doing a lil better everyday.

Its selfish. I wanna hold on. Not wanting to let go but i dun wanna let u hold me. I want you by my side.. Keep you in my sight but i wasnt in urs. I wouldnt stand beside you when u need me the most. I wouldnt let u hold me when all u need was a shoulder to lean on.

Maybe its better for you to be without me.

You just wanna be alone tonite. I shall let you take a lil breather.

2010-11-16T08:33:00.002+08:00

I dun noe but i cant seem to keep myself happy. One moment, i'm laughing my ass off, the next i'm feeling worst than ever. I feel like i can laugh and cry at the same time.

How do i feel? Very sucky. I feel like the worst person ever existed in this world. Only God knows how guilty and at fault i feel. I feel like a bitch. I dun deserve to laugh not even smile. I just wanna cry but i cant. I have to think of the ppl around me that are trying their best to make me smile once again.

I want to fall into a deep sleep.

There's a hero in you

2010-11-15T08:50:00.000+08:00

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your sould
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

2010-11-09T10:15:00.002+08:00

I' not that dumb.. I think neither are you.

Ignorance is a bliss at times.

I've been looking and it made me tongue-tied. Lost for words. Stood still, not knowing what to do.

Neither here nor there. Am lost. So i dun wanna be anywhere. Just walk away and move on with my life.

Its a good catch. N indeed they say...

2010-11-08T12:56:00.002+08:00

I'm in love with dana glover rite now. She's on repeat mode. Cant stop listening to her songs especially the ones she sings live with the piano. SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL. :)

Her songs make me wanna slow dance. Slow dance wif me anyone?

Kini ku berhenti...

2010-11-04T10:07:00.003+08:00

This song just brings back memories and a whole lot of emotions...

Dulu ku tk pernah percaya kan cinta yang tk harus memiliki
Pernah ku paksakan walau tk sejalan meski ku tau ku salah
Dan ku cuba melupakanmu
Kerna ku tau kau bukan milik ku

Dan ku berhenti berharap
Akan cinta mu yg dulu ada di hati
Dah ku cuba untuk bertahan
Walau berat kini ku berhenti berharap

Kini ku akui, hati ku tk bisa slalu miliki dirimu
Pernah ku paksakan walau tk sejalan
Meski ku tau ku salah
Dah ku cuba melupakan mu
Kerna ku tau mu bkn milik ku
Dan ku berhenti berharap
Akan cinta mu yg dulu ada di hati
Dan ku cuba untuk bertahan
Walau berat kini ku berhenti berharap

Dan ku berhenti berharap
Akan cinta mu yg dulu ada di hati
Dan ku cuba untuk bertahan
Walau berat kini ku berhenti berharap

Dan ku cuba untuk bertahan....

Haunting..

2010-11-02T10:53:00.003+08:00

Read my past post...

How have my life changes with time..

Some made me smile, some made me cry and some left me with a feeling of regret

Things that i did, decisions that i made.It made me question..What was i thinking at that point of time?!?! I tried to relive those moments, tried to bring back the memories and feelings so that i could understand the reason behind my actions but i couldnt.

Right now, i'm feeling numb, lost and dsitraught. Can i have all those feelings at the same time? Is that possible? How can u feel numb but yet lost and distraught at the same time? How can i feel happy but heartaching at the same time? How can i feel love but hatred at the same time? How can i feel at peace but yet worries at the same time? My emotions are running wild and its uncontrollable. Its making me restless

What the reason? Dun ask coz i dun noe. I am not able to give u an answer.

Wanna help me??? ...........

2010-11-01T08:47:00.001+08:00

Had an awweesooommmee weekend..

But somehow monday seems to b gloomy.

Had fun laughing and rolling on the floor..

But today, the feeling is different. All i want to do is to stay in bed and curl myself up while feeling all sucky and moody. Is it because of the lack of sleep? OR....

I just wished i can just disappear into the thin air. POOF!

But nope i cant..

2010-10-14T10:06:00.003+08:00

A month has passed. Time flies so fast but yet i felt as though it was yesterday i lost my love.

Visited him yesterday and i still cant believed that he is no longer with us. I still cant believed that its his name engraved and carved on the wooden plank.

Oh what i wld give just to see his smile again, just to hear his voice once more, just to kiss his hand for the last time.

My birthday wish..
I wished that my life was given to him. I wished that I was the one gone away not him. I wished that i could exchange my life for his. Coz i know he will live it better than me. I know he will happy and be a great man that he was meant to be.

I sinned Ya Allah and so i beg your forgiveness for my sins. I questioned you Ya Allah. I questioned takdir. I know i shldnt have. But i broke down and i lost my faith for a moment. Ya Allah, please forgive me for i'm onli a weak servant of urs. I was overwhelmed by emotions that i lost my senses. But Allah, I know and believed that there is no other God than Allah. I begged your forgiveness for the moment of breakdown.

I have to be strong. I have to move on. I have to believe that God have greater plans for us and that everything happened is for a reason.

This is all fated. He was gone too soon for a reason. He was the chosen one for a reason. And now he is in a better place. A place where no sickness can pain him, no problems like poverty to bother him. All he needs rite now are our prayers for him. And thats what i shall do. I shall remember the great man that onced live in my life and I shall pray for him so that he is placed among the people that Allah loves. Insya'Allah.. Amin..

2010-10-13T07:54:00.001+08:00

Angels Cry..

Crumbling down inside.

I hate myself..
I hate my guts..
I hate my instincts..
I hate my heart..

Coz i cant find it anywhere. Where has it gone to? Why am i so heartless?

Feeling numb. Black out.

Sing for me... :)

2010-09-24T18:31:00.000+08:00

You're not a regular girl
You don't give a damn about your look
Talking about I can't do it for you
But you can do it for yourself
Even though that ain't so
Baby cause my dough don't know how to end
But that independent thing I'm with it
All we do is win baby

I love him..

2010-09-22T13:56:00.004+08:00

Your smile is one of a kind
Your laughter was hardly heard.. But its precious... Once u hear it, you wanna hear it over and over again
Your love was hardly expressed but I know its deep..
Your tears were hardly shed but those tears will make you understand the meaning of pain and love.

You were always there for me.
You were always the one that cared for me even though you had dfficulties in expressing it.
You mean alot to me even tho i didnt say it.
I love you my brother. N you will be greatly missed.

Mohammad Iskandar Bin Roslan
07th August 1981 - 11th September 2010

2010-07-27T16:10:00.002+08:00

And finalli i feel my life complete...

Something that i have been looking for up and down, its right in front of me all along. I just need to open my eyes, open my heart.

Its a new journey for us. Throw away the bad memories and holding on to the good ones, we move forward.

I'm in love once again.. With him once more.

All over again..

2010-07-22T12:15:00.001+08:00

It sounded ok but it wasnt.

2010-07-06T12:53:00.001+08:00

Ninety miles outside Chicago
Can't stop driving
I don't know why
So many questions
I Need an answer
Two years later
he's still on my mind

Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain...
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue...
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you...

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
Or what the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you
For the 97th time...Tonight

Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Delilah...
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon...
Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you...

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow,
I watched the stars crash in the sea,
If I could ask God just one question...
Why aren't you here with me?...Tonight

Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Delilah...
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon...
Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you...

Bye bye

2010-07-01T10:32:00.001+08:00

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by

And it's true that you've reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

2010-06-28T12:31:00.000+08:00

You people make me feel so touched.. :)

I'm in love... :DDD

Not exactly wif someone but wif my life.. Wif my peoplessss!!! :D

Night sky like shooting stars

2010-06-25T15:48:00.000+08:00

So airplanes airplanes
Sorry I'm late
I'm on my way
So don't close that gate
If I don't make that
Then I switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it
By the end of the night

2010-06-22T14:47:00.001+08:00

Said here.. Said there?
Heard here.. Heard there?
Repeat?

I love my bunch.. :)
I love my life...

More than i hate you.. so I'm happy.. :)

2010-06-03T10:37:00.003+08:00

Am green with envy..

Just why??

Just because..

I do.. I want to.. But i wasnt refering to me. There is someone else.. If only you open ur eyes and heart, then you wouldnt be so blinded.

If its for the better, then i will. I must not be selfish for once.

2010-05-31T14:56:00.000+08:00

Struggling.. Standing still.. Speechless

Near to you

2010-05-26T17:00:00.001+08:00

he and I had something beautiful
but so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'cause I knew he'd never love me back

such pain as this
shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
still a little bit delirious

near to you, I am healing
but it's taking so long
'cause though he's gone
and you are wonderful
it's hard to move on
yet, I'm better near to you.

you and I have something different
and I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred,
but I am working oh so hard
to get back to who I used to be

he's disappearing, fading steadily
well, I'm so close to being yours,
won't you stay with me, please

2010-05-25T13:58:00.001+08:00

:D :D just for the fun of it.. Oh well!!

2010-05-20T09:30:00.003+08:00

I'm moving on slowly bit by bit. Even tho it hurts so badly but i'm moving on.

I love my frens. I realli do. Thanks for being there for me. N to those frens who didnt disappear. I love you guys many2x.. :D

And to that particular special someone,

Thanks for being there for me in every step of the way. You held my hand and you didnt let go till i was back on my two feets. I'm sorry if anyway in this phase of moving on, i hurt you. I'm sorry. For now, you are the last person that i would want to hurt.

2010-05-18T14:23:00.000+08:00

I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed

I need to hear you say
That I love you

I have loved you all along

Memoire..

2010-05-18T13:18:00.000+08:00

I love just who you are
I ain't gon try to change ya
You are my shooting star
That's why you are my favorite

And all my life I've prayed for someone like you
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life I've prayed for someone like you
And I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do love me too
I said you're all that I'm thinking of

He is just a reason

2010-05-13T11:30:00.000+08:00

Fell bad for a reason..
Up on my two feet again..
Coz life has to move on..

:)

i think i can realli lose weight this way.. Food and sleep deprivation... hehe.. Maybe something good will come out of this afterall.. LOL!

Matahariku...

2010-05-11T09:35:00.001+08:00

Tertutup sudah pintu .. pintu hatiku
Yang pernah dibuka waktu hanya untukmu
Kini kau pergi dari hidupku
Kuharus relakanmu walau aku tak mau

Dengarlah matahariku suara tangisanku
Ku bersedih kerna panah cinta menusuk jantungku
Ucapkan matahariku puisi tentang hidupku
Tentangku yang tak mampu menaklukan waktu

2010-05-10T14:32:00.002+08:00

At times, i just wonder why...

At times, I dun understand why..

Most of the times, I look at you and I cant help to wonder...

How genuine can his feelings be...How true his words are.. How strong his faith is..

How can it still be there aft all these..

Is this for real...

2010-05-10T13:16:00.002+08:00

You think i care...

I don.. Am just enjoying life as it is..

Like it.. Stay..

Don like it.. F*** off.. YEaaa!!!

:D

I am just a human..

2010-05-07T12:40:00.002+08:00

Everyone makes mistakes...

Everyone has their own secrets..

Everyone has the dark side to their life..

These are what makes us humans.

2010-04-30T15:31:00.002+08:00

Pizza hut + breezer lime + monopoly deal = a nice night out.. :)

2010-04-29T10:54:00.002+08:00

I dun recognise the girl in the mirror anymore.

The same eyes, the same nose, the same facial features.. But yet unrecognisable. But yet different.

Who has she turn to? Why did she become this way?

I dun know her anymore.

2010-04-27T14:20:00.001+08:00

2010-04-27T11:51:00.001+08:00

It has been sometime..

My moody days are OVER! :D

2010-04-23T14:47:00.003+08:00

I heard someone says 'Sometimes things just happen. Shit happens. Without a reason."

I have to say i dun believe in that. All my life, I hold on to this belief and this is what keeps me alive.

"Everything happens for a reason. Whether its good or bad, its for a reason. You may not see it now but one day, it will show. Coz those are things that shape you into the person you are and will be in the future."

There are things that I'm not proud of that happened in my life. The mistakes that i made, the actions that i took and the words that i've said. But i will not let those bring me down. Coz if i do, then i will not be here today. I will not be living my life. I will be down with regrets and sadness.

N problems are the things that make life complete. Even though at times, its hard to swallow.. We just have to learn how to..

Words passed around... Comments and opinions said. I shouldnt let those bothered me. I should have trust you abit more. Learnt my mistake and moving on now.. :)

I hate it when you do that..

2010-04-22T08:08:00.002+08:00

But what can i say...

Coz i'm noone of an importance...

I have no say in anything that you do...

So yea just gonna shut my mouth up...

2010-04-21T10:25:00.001+08:00

I doubt its gonna be easy to build it again.
Once lost, its hard to recover.

But am i going to take the easy way out or am i gonna work this out?

But wait, what do i want in the first place?

*Confused*

2010-04-14T11:26:00.000+08:00

Lies after lies..

N why do i keep lying?

Coz i'm not happy wif myself. As simple as that..

Hate to look in the mirror

2010-04-13T09:41:00.003+08:00

Was having a bitch fit yesterday.
Throwing tantrums around.

Not sure why but am sorry..

Is this for real?

2010-04-12T11:25:00.002+08:00

Keep telling myself to stop...

Coz i dun see ayu in me anymore...

Am i still the same?

I want it but at the same time i don't...

Nothing...

2010-04-09T08:43:00.000+08:00

I guess I've moved on...

Sun rises in the east

2010-04-07T09:12:00.003+08:00

Am currently confused with I want in life...
Am feeling useless and disappointed in myself for not achieving my dreams..

Hear it often..
Say it often..
But dun feel it all the time..

Tell me why...

2010-03-29T08:27:00.001+08:00

When i was about to fall, u went away...

Never felt as desperate as i was...

It didnt happen..

Home..

2010-03-25T11:14:00.001+08:00

When will i be able to go back to a place where i call home..

Another airplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmm, I've got to go home

And I feel just like
I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right

Coz i wanna go home..

No matter wad the reason is, I'll change for the better.

2010-03-25T08:33:00.001+08:00

How it hurts to hear those words...

How wrongly accused i felt...

Am i suppose to be flattered or annoyed over ur concerns..

Woke up without my sunrise..

2010-03-24T08:21:00.001+08:00

The 3 days were memorable..

A getaway soon...

2010-03-17T15:42:00.003+08:00

Finally everything's over. The air is cleared and now its time for me to have my getaway. He have left for his. One week of self reflection, mending a broken heart.

For me, four days of exploring and discovering. Just to learn more and experience life.

It wasnt an easy road and i'm sorry that it have to come to this. I'm sorry that things have to end. But looking on the bright side, at least it ended on a good note. Its started well and ended well.

We can always be friends.

Now its time for me to discover what am i looking for in life. Coz i dun want to make the same mistakes twice or should i say thrice. Have to think things through before i make a decision. Coz whatever decision that i make, it will affect not just me but ppl ard me.

It was a rollercoaster ride. Full of mix emotions.. Full of ups and downs. But that is life.

I just cant do it..

2010-03-08T12:57:00.003+08:00

Baby come here and sit down, let's talk
I got a lot to say so I guess I'll start by
Saying that I love you,
But you know, this thing ain't been
No walk in the park for us
I swear it'll only take a minute
You'll understand when I finish, yeah
And I don't wanna see you cry
But I don't wanna be the one to tell you a lie so

[Hook]
How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Everything I tried to remember to say
Just went out my head
So I'ma do the best I can to get you to understand
'cause I know

[Chorus]
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Boy it's not you, it's me
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Boy I know your heart is breaking
And a thousand times I
Found myself asking, "Why? Why?"
Why am I taking so long to say this?
But trust me, boy I never
Meant to crush your world
And I never
Thought I would see the day we grew apart
And I wanna know

[Hook]
How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Boy I hope you understand
What I'm tryna say.
We just can't go on
Pretending that we get along
Boy how you not gonna see it?

Its time to say goodbye...

Dun ask coz i feel like talking abt it..

210210

2010-02-22T11:15:00.002+08:00

And so last night was the night i let it go..
Laid everything out in the table.

Hate myself right now. I feel so selfish.
I hate myself for hurting you
I hate myself for being selfish
I hate myself for breaking ur heart coz i can see it in ur eyes
But i have to do it. Coz if not i wil be hurting u further
Its coming to end soon.
But i have to make the decision on which ending am i chosing.

I need frens more than ever now..

Its just between me and him. Noone else.

A pinky promise that meant alot to me..

2010-02-12T16:08:00.007+08:00

The day is coming..

It didnt matter for years..

But this year.. Its gonna be different for me..

- One memorable one... I hope so -

Everything happens for a reason. N i wonder what's the reason behind the lost..

Is it...

Treasure it coz you will never know when you lose them..

Or

It just never meant to be..

Lips of an angel..

2010-02-11T12:36:00.004+08:00

Even with just the thought of the idea made me smile..
Never once..
It will be our first then.. :)

Excited..

In need of a bigger treasure chest. Coz the treasure is just growing more and more..

But i like! heeesss.. :D

091010

2010-02-10T11:59:00.001+08:00

There are too many "What if"

"Didnt want to make things more difficult for you.."

"What if.."

"What if what?"

....

It was suppose to be.. But then it felt good instead.

"What have got myself into?"

"I dun noe"

Lying down.. Looking into the sky.. It felt comfort..
How long will it last?

Bad Romance

2010-02-03T08:16:00.002+08:00

It was nice. It was fun. It was lovely.

Thank you

Till when will this last??

I'm holding on to a very thin thread which may snap any moment now.

Out Of Reach..

2010-01-28T09:44:00.003+08:00

I missed you so much that now i've stop missing you...

Sometimes you are so near but so far...

And when u are far, you've got further..

Words are pouring out of my mind but not out of my mouth..

I miss my girlfriends.. And that includes my "girlfriends"... ;)

Another round of ice cream pleassee?? Canele?? :D

2010-01-25T11:38:00.002+08:00

Dont you see the reason on why i've change? Don't you see why am i acting this way?

Its because of you. I'm waiting for you to make the first move. I'm still waiting..

But i'm getting tired.. My legs is giving me away.. My heart is running away. Chase it before it's out of your sight... Before it is out of your reach.

I wish you read this..

Sommetimes you do things in life that you regret. But there is nothing much you can. Just have to look forward and make the best out of wad you have..

N right now, i have more than i expected. N its growing. So you better buck up fast.

Its up to the limit

2010-01-14T11:05:00.001+08:00

Took my heart to the limit and this is where i stay

I cant go further than this

So meet me half way..

Coz that's gonna be where i'm waiting for you

I almost started until i found out the truth abt you...

2010-01-11T11:34:00.003+08:00

"Well with that statement, you have already answered my qn. Leads me to my other qn but won't ask you now."

...

"The time has not come to ask the qn yet..."

...

My ans, "Yes abit.."

"Cant you see it in me too?"

Why didnt i push away? Why didnt i walk away? Why didnt i say no?

Standing still...

2010-01-05T11:33:00.003+08:00

Perfect couldnt keep this love alive...

I want you to know. It doesnt matter where we take this road...

Anyone wants to go stargazing wif me?

Fear

2010-01-04T14:34:00.002+08:00

For all the things that i've done when it got nearer and nearer.. I start thinking whether am i ready for such a big step in my life. I'm not settling myself down nor am i toning myself down. I'm getting worst..

I wasnt like this before. No i wasnt. I dun do such things before.. Then why am i starting now? Is it because of the big step i'm taking?

Nobody will understand the feelings that i'm having now. Cause neither do i. I'm not falling in and out of anything.. But i'm just fearing for myself. Am i too young in taking the commitment?

But please people.. Dun tell me wad to do..

2009-12-31T11:53:00.001+08:00

I want to watch

1) Treasure Hunter
2) Alvin chipmunks 2
3) Sherlock Holmes

Anyone??!!!
:)

2009-12-18T13:26:00.002+08:00

Well, its just a fantasy of mine..

Never was i treated this way..

Sometimes i dun get your explaination. Sometimes i dun get your reason. But what can i do. I will just have to accept the person you are. Even though it hurts..

I just need more attention.

Its finally here

2009-12-14T19:27:00.002+08:00

After in total of 4 hours of waiting and queueing.. Its a long story.. Dun wanna talk abt it..

I finally got my iPhone...
Have been waiting for the promotion to come and when its finalli out.. I waited no more and be one of the kiasu-looking ppl.. Queueing up for the iPhone.. :D

If u know me, you would know that i should be the last person to own an iPhone. hahaha..
For those who doesnt, let me tell you y..

I had an iPod nano.. N the last time i actualli updated the stuffs in there was the first time i got it.. And that wasnt even done by me.. hahaha.. Along the way, i tried to upload some new songs but its was like onli once or twice.. hahaha. so i dun noe will my iPhone actualli have any new applications or not.. hahahahah..

BUT wadever it is, my want have been fulfilled and i'm happy.. :D

Pure Joy

2009-12-08T13:24:00.000+08:00

Send my congrats to them both.. :) Double Happiness..

Am having stiff neck! Hate it.. Cant turn left.. So ppl stay on my right..

Hope has a warrior...

2009-12-02T09:26:00.003+08:00

:)

Its a must watch tv series.. Legend of the seeker.. Richard Cypher (Craig Horner) is suuupppeerrrr hot.. N Kahlan Amnell (Bridget Regan) is beautiful..

I want to wear the confessor dress!! ehehe :)

Sleepless nights

2009-12-01T12:05:00.002+08:00

Awaken by fear.. Perspiring profusely.. Look out of the window.. Shadows make my face turn pale and body shivers...

Close my eyes... Wishing everything will just go away..

No matter how far i run.. No matter how much i tried. It seems to follow me and haunt me.. The last time i slipped away but now it catch up to me.

Maybe i just think too much but its real..

You are the only comfort that i can find now.. Your house is my refuge.. Away from the reality of my life...

It beats so hard that i could hear and even see it..

When will this end?? Please someone.. Put an end to all this..

Past

2009-11-24T21:46:00.002+08:00

There is a reason why it is in past tense..

Coz.. it was the past that i'm talking abt..

The past that brought me to where i am today.. For the past is the reason behind the person i am now..

But trust me it was just the past.. Sometimes ppl just need to have flashbacks.. :)

Its because...

2009-11-23T20:02:00.002+08:00

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you

I'll be forever thankful baby

You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

Remembered forever..

2009-11-17T09:43:00.001+08:00

It was simple but yet it was fun and sweet....

Those simple moments are the ones that last forever..

I heart you..

2009-11-11T12:34:00.002+08:00

Maybe this is the obstacle for me in engaged period...

What you see is just the surface. It runs deeper than you think.

We need each other. We depend on each other. Never was it one-sided. As much i need him, he needs me. As much as he provides for me, i provide for him. All you see are his strengths and my weakness and hence you judge on that. What gives you the right to judge and to comment?!

He is not perfect cause noone is. Neither am i. So he has his weakness... He has his short comings.

I've been independent since the day i left secondary school. I paid for my studies in polytechnic, my own expenses and i solve my own problems. I depend on myself for comfort and for everything except the roof above my head. And i still am independent. The onli thing i cant have by myself is companion and that is wad i look for in this relationship. Nothing else except companion. After poly, i practically run a household myself. I was the cook, i was the cleaner and i was one of the main source of income. I wasnt just independent and responsible for my life but others too. And you say i'm very dependent? You don't even know i've gone through.

So just shut y*** t*** u*...

what do you know?

2009-11-09T16:07:00.003+08:00

Dun judge by just wad you see..

Coz it runs deeper than wad you think

BINTAN AWAY!!

2009-10-29T18:03:00.002+08:00

I'm going off to bintan tomorrow morning at 11am. Wish me happiness and hopefulli i come back in one piece.. ehehe... smiles!

For those who stayed behind in singapore, you have a favor to do for you.. You know wad me talking abt.. eheh. GOT AND GET IT FOR ME OK! hahahahahha kidding..

Am lookin forward to this trip as i need a time to relax and have fun! Its gonna be all about me~!hahahaha.. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MEE~~!!! hahaha.

It's time to enjoy!

I tot i could but i couldnt

2009-10-21T12:38:00.002+08:00

There are things that i told u cause at that point i trusted you and noone else.
We knew each other for almost all of our life and i thought you wouldnt do that to me like you did to others. Cause i tot what we have is special, different n there is no other relationship like this but i guess i am wrong. How can i trust you now?

But in the end, i always do. Cause i hold on to what we have.

Its not easy. Try to be in my spot. Been working hard to try. To avoid and to throw all this away but i cant. No more helping you out. No more words from me nor shall i ever look into those eyes ever again.

So what if blood is thicker than water? What if its choking you? Its too thick to swallow. I shall just spit it out. Excuse me for just trying to save my life. Call me selfish. You are senseless and idiotic.

Time for you to move on even though it hurts. But its for the better future. Work towards it and insya'Allah, it will turn out better. Your life is in ur hands not others.

What's there?

2009-10-08T16:18:00.001+08:00

They never do anyway..

It will just be a passing day.

Expecting nothing.

2009-10-05T15:38:00.002+08:00

Sun-burn..
Aching back..
Muscles sore..

I WANT MEGA MCSPICY!! its ok.. i can still settle for single mcspicy.. can i?? PLLEEAASSSEEE!!!

"can have the spicy but without the mc."
"Huh?? But yyy??"
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Only after you workout, then you can eat"
"Ok today i go swimming then i can eat ok"
.
.
.
.
"Doubt you are realli going to workout that hard"
"k k i promise to swim 5x the width of the swimming pool. so aft that i can eat eh.. :D"

Tuesday with Morrie

2009-10-01T11:37:00.000+08:00

"You will only learn how to live, when you learn how to die"

Butterfly

2009-09-28T12:35:00.002+08:00

Was going thru my stuff and i found a cd..

A song that brought back memories..

ooh ooh
When you love someone so deeply
They become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly I imagined I could
Keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you
I must open up my hands and watch you rise
Chorus

Spread you wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly (Oooh)
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be, so spread your wings and fly
Butterfly
Verse 2

I have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled
Or their spirit dies
You have given me the courage
To be all that I can
And I truly feel your heart will
Lead you back to me when you're
Ready to land
Chorus

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly (Oooh)
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me, we truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly (spread your wings and fly)
Butterfly (butterfly)
Bridge

I can't pretend these tears
Aren't overflowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from
Almost overtaking me
But I will stand and say goodbye (stand and say goodbye)
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way it feels to fly
Chorus

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly (Oooh)
Fly abandonedly into the sun (fly to the sun)
If you should return to me (I will know you're mine)
We truly were meant to be (spread your wings and fly)
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly (my butterfly)
Chorus

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be (you and I)
So spread your wings and fly (spread your wings and fly)
Butterfly
So flutter through the sky
Butterfly
Fly
Spread your wings and fly
Butterfly.

Still loving it..

It's Confirmed...

2009-09-23T09:15:00.005+08:00

X's and frens hari rayer outing have been confirmed.

The bus is already booked.

So here are the details.

First meeting point : Syahril's House. (Dun noe add, msg him yourself.. :D)

Meeting time: 11am (Anyone that comes later than 11.45 will be left behind. Then pandai2 lar krg make ur way to the next house. So dun be late cause the bus will leave ril's place at 12pm sharp)

Involved parties :

Ayu
Raydza
Thaqifah
Zarifi
Shahrul
Syahril
Fiqa
Ayeen
Warda
Fauzi
Zulaiha
Ili
Ismael
Alif
Elyne
Idah
Farrah
Ryna
Pan
Shawn
Mas
Fathu

In total there are 22 people. The bus has only 18 seats but i think we can squeeze in abit to fit everyone. Hope everyone doesnt mind.. :D

The bus is charging us by right 33 bucks per hour but i managed to negotiate and get 30bucks per hour. Planning to book for 12 hours so it will be from 12pm to 12am.

In total, estimation each person will pay 20bucks max but it will be abit cheaper. Just put aside 20 bucks for the bus ok.

We will try to end the rayer by 11pm so that we can have that extra hour to drop off ppl nearer to their houses.

The houses that we are going will be priortise to those in the list but i doubt we can go to every house. To those whose houses are not available for visiting, please inform me ok and those houses that are cooking, do inform me too k so that i can try to plan the route. Thank you!

If you dun have my no, you may ask from any of the x's. :D

2009-09-17T15:14:00.001+08:00

I hate being myself *fullstop*

2009-09-11T09:11:00.002+08:00

Walking around.. Looking at the photos of unknown people hanging on the wall makes me feel like a stranger more than ever..

Ibarat menumpang di rumah orang.

I felt homeless. Living in some stranger's house. Actualli indeed, i'm just an outsider. Cant wait to move out once again. Living in a home.

It wouldnt be that much tomorrow. Just a simple dinner, it turns out to be. Haiz. Such lousy fiancee am i..

Being selfish is just wad i do best. Getting wad i want and then run back to where i belong. Leaving it hanging there.

Decided to apply for my car license next year. :D Why? Cause i want to own a car and travelling would be so much easier.

Down with a flu and slight fever. Not feeling too well. Hate this feeling.

So far but yet So near

2009-09-07T09:53:00.003+08:00

Dreams will always stay as dreams unless you do something abt it..

Nothing is impossible if its God's Will

Qie commented on something that scares me. Realli. Its so far but yet so near. Its funny how our lives almost intertwined after all these years. So it scares me. Why?

Because i cant leave the life i have now. I cant hurt the person that is standing beside me now. Because i cant leave him just yet. Because my ego doesnt let me. Because how do i face others when i go back on my words...

Deep somewhere in my heart, i want it to be true but i know i cant. Cause i've decided to give it away and so it shall stay that way.

If i'm not wrong, tomorrow will be the day you make a new step in ur life. Entering ns. I wish i could be there to wish you luck and see you off into ur new life but i cant. I wanted to meet you before you leave but i know its impossible. So here i am wishing you the best for ur NS life. They say NS will change you. I hope its for the better and not too much cause you are already a great person the way you are now. I still want to recognise you if we were to cross our path one day. :)

Ps. You will definitely look hawt in that CD uniform.. eheh

Just a step away

2009-09-04T10:53:00.002+08:00

I'm only left with uploading my resume and opting for the job. My particulars and everything have already been filled up. Just a step away and i'm still thinking.

Feeling better now. Finally, i felt alittle appreciated. I guess we women, shall once in a while be the guy. Let them do the calling, let them do the finding, let them do the prolonging of conversation and asking us abt our day. It felt so good yesterday. But i shouldnt overdo it, should i? Just enough for me to feel good once again but not too much till crossed his boundary. :D

There are just amazing things that you will do for love.

Birthday tomolo but we cant celebrate it cause he's working.

Postponed to 12th.. So here the plan.. Let me know wad you guys think

- Ice skating at kallang leisure park
- Candle light dinner at badoque with the surprise birthday cake and present
- A movie date
- A chill by the beach

Its simple but i hope we enjoy ourself cause its been long since we went out on a date..just the two of us.. So i think this would be a good reason to spend time together.

Please dont disappoint me anymore..

Steps in life

2009-09-03T08:24:00.002+08:00

It never last more than 5 minutes.. Is that just how much you would spare for me?
Your smile wasnt sincerely for me. Is that how much you can give to me?
You are hardly interested in what i can say. Is that how much i mean to you?

We took a step forward but why am i feeling as though we are taking a step backward.
I'm trying to keep my sanity in this month of ramadhan but you are certainly not making it easy for me.

Should i just be ignoring him and let him be in this mood until he realises that its hurting me? But for how long can i stand this treatment?

I thought of karma. Whatever that you did to someone, it will just come back to you. But i trust him enough not to do that to me. But well, 'he' trusted me enuf not to do tat to him. But i did anyway. So i guess everything is a possibility.

I know i shouldnt be accusing him esp in this holy month.I should be putting more trust in him. I know him.. Well, do i? He is not giving me anything to start with right now.

try to be in my shoes. Its hard. To be the one initiating solving problems btwn us all the time. Where did i get all the strength all this while?

I'm thinking of applying for paramedics. To be a full time paramedic and work 13 hours shift. Committing my life in saving others while sacrifising mine. I heard all about the work. The tiredness, the commitment that you will need to give. The training locally and overseas for months, passing IPPT every 6months. The physical and mental demand for the work. Imagine, you reaching to a scene where its your family members or friends that got into an accident. Logically, you will have a mental and emotional breakdown but because of the work, i'm not allowed to. i have to be strong no matter wad. Cant breakdown in line of duty. Its sounds so hard but i dun noe y, those things that i have to face are the things that i'm looking forward to. I just want to make a diff in my life. Challenge myself and commit myself to work so that i dun have to think of anything else.

Should i?

Find

2009-09-02T10:05:00.001+08:00

There is always hope

2009-09-02T08:29:00.004+08:00

Whenever there is hope and possibility even though it may look slim, give it your best and one day, with all your effort, it may come true.

Believe in yourself is the first step to success.

I have to start believing..

When it's fated, no matter how far you try to run away from it, it will just come back to you..

Because...

2009-08-27T13:51:00.000+08:00

I’m really, very foolish
I know of no one other than you
you’re looking at someone else
yet you have no idea of my feelings like this

I won’t be in your days
I won’t be in the memories either, however
only you, I looked only at you
and the tears keep coming

As i watch you walking past, I’m still happy
even yet you still don’t know my heart
I should stop this and go

I really want to see the day
I’m withstanding the pain each day
“I love you” is playing on my lips
Alone once again, crying for you
alone once again, missing for you
Baby, I love you, I’m wiating for you

I won’t be in your days
I won’t be remembered either, however
only you, I looked only at you
I’m making memories alone

Loving you is like having a beautiful wound
I look at your pretty smile also
but I cannot laugh with you

bye bye, never say goodbye
even though I cannot hold you like this
I need you, I cannot say anything more, I want you
I keep on hoping too, I’ll keep hoping….

I really want to see the day
I’m withstanding the pain each day
“I love you” is playing on my lips
Alone once again, crying for you

I’m thinking about you so much everyday
my heart is hurting in all these sad days
‘I want to see you’ is playing on my lips
alone once again, crying for you
alone once again, missing for you
Baby, i’m waiting for you, I love you

2009-08-25T09:10:00.002+08:00

Least Conversation
Least eye contact
Least smiles given
Cold and distant.

What is happening between us?

Dun take things for granted. Cause you will never know how long they will be around.

I may just leave one day.

What Happened?

2009-08-24T11:10:00.002+08:00

Was suppose to shift house yesterday but then something unexpected happen. The lorry wasnt available at the timing that i wanted to shift my stuffs. The owner called at 1350 to informed my father that he wants to use the lorry at 4pm (the timing that i'm suppose to shift) and wants us to use the lorry at 2pm and try to return it by 3plus which was impossible because my frens were not there yet and stuffs were not ready for moving. Haix. So i decided to postponed the shifting to this coming sunday/saturday.

So i'm still at sembawang for a week. ALONE.. haila. Furthermore its the fasting month. Have to prepare food for sahur. Its rather quite a gd thing that i'm alone. Then i dun really have to prepare food like last year.

Last year...I rushed home after work to cook for iftar and then had to clean the house. Woke up as early as 4am to prepare the food for sahur and didnt realli sleep after that since i had to get ready for work after cleaning up. And having to wake my two brothers was a tortured. I stil couldnt believe that i made it thru. I didnt know i could be that hardworking.. ehehehe..

Puteri ku

2009-08-18T09:56:00.003+08:00

Kau datang tanpa ku sedar
Didalam kegelapan berserta keyakinan
Dan ku hanya bisa menyanyi tentang kehidupan ini
Tanpa ku mengerti

Dan langit menjadi biru
Dengan kehadiranmu, oh sayang
Adakah ini satu cabaran ataupun satu pertemuan

Kau puteriku
Kau menghias ruang istana ku
Kau sentuh dan kau kucup tangan ku
Beri kenyakinan didalam jiwaku
Sebagai petanda, kau puteriku

Dan langit menjadi biru
Dengan kehadiranmu, oh sayang
Adakah ini satu cabaran ataupun satu pertemuan

kau puteriku
kau menghias ruang istana ku
kau sentuh dan kau kucup tangan ku
beri keyakinan didalam jiwaku
Sebagai pertanda, Kau puteriku

kau puteriku
kau menghias ruang istana ku
kau sentuh dan kau kucup tangan ku
beri keyakinan didalam jiwaku
Sebagai pertanda, Kau puteriku

Dead Tired

2009-08-17T09:43:00.002+08:00

Am at work now but am feeling super duper tired. Went for a short trip to melaka for just two days. Then had my netball competition on saturday at novena. Lost but it was realli fun and the experience was worth it. The team were definitely more experienced than us but we didnt lose without a fight. The scores wasnt that far, justt a point or two away. Honestly, i am proud with the team that i'm playing wit. We improved alot in our passes, commuunication, stamina and speed. Even though there are still loads of room for improvement, I'm glad at how far we are now.
After the match, went to bukom for a badminton game. Cant u imagine how tired i was. Then we caught a midnight movie, 3D UP. I LOVE IT! Strongly recommended. K confession.. I cried.. eheh.. YES I CRIED! The movie was super touching can.. :D Then the next day, went to watch netball carnival. Yew Tee CSC won third. Congrats to kak dze and yen. Proceeded to bukom once more and had another badminton game. By then, i was dragging my body around. Reached home really late at night. Went for sleepover and once i landed on the bed, i felt into a deep sleep. eheheh..

Now at work all beat up. I know my post today seems to be very long for a tired person and i practically mentioned the word tired umpteen times. But i like. hahahah. Just feel like teling everyone just how packed my weekends are and how TIRED i am today. hahaha.. Just wish that my boss would read this and decided to let me have the day off.. "Dream on, ayu" ehehe..

K that's all folks.. TOODLEs!!!

Special dedication to Muhd Zarifi Bin Md Arshad

2009-08-04T12:02:00.005+08:00

Happy 22nd Birthday to my bestest fren!

I wish success, beauty and happiness.. :)

I will always be there for you..

Yours truly,
Noridayu... :)

smiles

2009-08-04T11:37:00.002+08:00

26th July 2009

More pictures to come..

Empty

2009-07-30T10:12:00.003+08:00

Never i felt any lonelier than yesterday nite..
I envied those laughter heard over at your house. The warmth.. The jokes and the nagging.
I dun tink anyone would understand wad i feel. Staying alone. Living alone.
And when i need you the most, you werent there.
I was crying and u scolded me. You broke my heart

"You have to accept your fate. This is all takdir." I know.. but cant i just cry my heart once in awhile missing my family. Cant i just be sad once in a while for what i'm left with. I came home everyday to an empty house. Does anyone know how it feels? Cant i be emotional and sensitive abt it?

You think its easy, for a single 21 year old girl to be living alone, all by herself?!! To fend herself. To watch tv alone. To pay the house bills... To be alone every single day and nite. Its not! You need a whole load of courage and strength to do that.

N i'm getting weaker.. Day by day..

Sometimes it makes a whole lot of difference.. If you would just say.. "Everything is gonna be alright. I'm here for you"

But you didnt...

Last night

2009-07-23T16:25:00.002+08:00

We have our differences.. We have our disagreements.. But that doesnot mean one is better than the other.. One is tolerating more than the other. One is going through worst than the other.

We are going through it together. Which part of together dun u understand?!

Its all about feminism, u said. Cant u see.. That means u jusst pushing all of the blame to women. No matter wad guys did, no matter wad crime you guys make.. Its all because of women.. Women is the cause of it. Since u think so, why did u get urself involve with us?

2009-07-17T14:28:00.002+08:00

I think i will look a little.. ok alot.. bimbotic with wad i'm goin to post next.. But i DUN CARE.. cause I'M IN LOVE!!!! ehehehehehe...

With all of them.. Muahahahahahahhahaha

She : "I keep forgetting that i cant swim anymore"
He : "So now, I have to be ur fire fighter and ur life guard?"

AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...........